♥
Saturday, December 20, 2008
No one can see the tears,
Ah, yesterday had a really really baaaaad headache. rwar, and i could feel that i was crying myself to sleep. It was so painful that everytime i turn my head to the side, it got worse and worse. So, i went to take that decolgen thingy to cure headaches. Ah. Now, everything's okay. Just that now i feel bloated after eating B&J's.
Oh, you see the sketch ? Haha, nice right ? Actually it's like a rough sketch of this blogger, Lindsay. BIGBIG eyes. lawl. Also, ACTUALLY. nothing much to blog about. and i have to go read through bible study notes, or sue will scold me. HAWhee. I feel like sharing a story but sigh, it always takes up so much time. Then., there will be less things to do, not that i will do anything honestly.
But, life's getting dull and unpleasant. Almost every night, my face is full of tears from crying. I hate it. Like nothing can go perfect for once. Only on some days that everything seems alright, it goes bad in the end. Like this morning, i went to the dentist with my family. At first, i didn't even know about it because i was still fast asleep. But, i woke up just when they were going to leave. So, they told me to hurry wash up however i usually take a while. Ah, and i fucking hate it when my mum shouts, screams, yells, and whatever you can call loud. I was really irritated. I mean you can just don't scream for no effing reason you know? First thing i woke up to was her shouts to hurry hurry. Patience's a virtue okay ? Its not even my fault you didn't even informed me that you all were going to the dentist right ? Talking about this, it's whenever i got scolded, my brothers would be there, watching me getting verbally slapped and i bet they are thinking, "Jie jie's bad. Jie jie's bad." They continue to watch, like it's some sadistic cartoon show, and when there are 'commercials', they pop right in, and ask something so unimportant, and smile as if they are so innocent. " Mummy, how do i do this question?" "Daddy, what happen?"
It makes me so fucking vexed.
Last time, i would be tolerating all this shit, letting it hit me as it pass by. After that, i would go scream at my pillow, or go talk to myself. I just want to erase all my anger away but couldn't at all. Soon, before i knew it, blood rushed to my face and tears would easily drop. I could like think of this, and ta-daa, you would see me flooded with crushed tissues.
Now, it's different. Even though, i know it's harsh and uncontrollable, i order them to go away, or scream at them to get lost.
Sometimes, you lose control all over yourself and let the surge of anger take control. It makes you feel uneven, uncared for, lonely, and angry all the same. It's a feeling no one wants to endure. But, with all the lonely nights i had, it is getting uncomfortably common. and disgusting. Why?
I cry, next day, laughter and happiness. Night, cry, and it repeats like a cycle. I just want to be free.
Shouting, shouting, shouting. Does it help ? Does it make things poof up magically just like you wanted it to be? Does it make you happier at least? Does it?
It only makes you much more irritated, much more annoyed at the person whom you think is suppose to be listening to you and doing what you think is right for him or her. The person feels like he or she is a slave to you. You shout, he obey. with no dignity. I'm not meaning you don't listen to teachers, your parents, your friends, or who ever. I'm meaning people who think they are so mighty, who think they're a god or whatever, and think they can shout at you,scream their lungs at you. Making your day worse by the second. Ah, nothing seems right.
Aw, this venting on my blog doesn't make me feel any better too. everything seems okay, for now, i hope.
Lord, i pray, for protection over this family that i pray will never scream a word at each other but reasonably speak to each other fairly and mannerly.
I don't want the devil circling around me like a predator eyeing a defenceless prey. I'm not defenceless, for i have the Lord as my protector. For You are the light that brightens my way to You.
that has become a rainbow in the puddle you've created.For a little entertainment to perk me up.
Guess whooo ?
It's taylor swift's get back for Joe J. breaking up with er on the phone!
Golly!
♥
Saturday, December 20, 2008
No one can see the tears,
Ah, yesterday had a really really baaaaad headache. rwar, and i could feel that i was crying myself to sleep. It was so painful that everytime i turn my head to the side, it got worse and worse. So, i went to take that decolgen thingy to cure headaches. Ah. Now, everything's okay. Just that now i feel bloated after eating B&J's.
Oh, you see the sketch ? Haha, nice right ? Actually it's like a rough sketch of this blogger, Lindsay. BIGBIG eyes. lawl. Also, ACTUALLY. nothing much to blog about. and i have to go read through bible study notes, or sue will scold me. HAWhee. I feel like sharing a story but sigh, it always takes up so much time. Then., there will be less things to do, not that i will do anything honestly.
But, life's getting dull and unpleasant. Almost every night, my face is full of tears from crying. I hate it. Like nothing can go perfect for once. Only on some days that everything seems alright, it goes bad in the end. Like this morning, i went to the dentist with my family. At first, i didn't even know about it because i was still fast asleep. But, i woke up just when they were going to leave. So, they told me to hurry wash up however i usually take a while. Ah, and i fucking hate it when my mum shouts, screams, yells, and whatever you can call loud. I was really irritated. I mean you can just don't scream for no effing reason you know? First thing i woke up to was her shouts to hurry hurry. Patience's a virtue okay ? Its not even my fault you didn't even informed me that you all were going to the dentist right ? Talking about this, it's whenever i got scolded, my brothers would be there, watching me getting verbally slapped and i bet they are thinking, "Jie jie's bad. Jie jie's bad." They continue to watch, like it's some sadistic cartoon show, and when there are 'commercials', they pop right in, and ask something so unimportant, and smile as if they are so innocent. " Mummy, how do i do this question?" "Daddy, what happen?"
It makes me so fucking vexed.
Last time, i would be tolerating all this shit, letting it hit me as it pass by. After that, i would go scream at my pillow, or go talk to myself. I just want to erase all my anger away but couldn't at all. Soon, before i knew it, blood rushed to my face and tears would easily drop. I could like think of this, and ta-daa, you would see me flooded with crushed tissues.
Now, it's different. Even though, i know it's harsh and uncontrollable, i order them to go away, or scream at them to get lost.
Sometimes, you lose control all over yourself and let the surge of anger take control. It makes you feel uneven, uncared for, lonely, and angry all the same. It's a feeling no one wants to endure. But, with all the lonely nights i had, it is getting uncomfortably common. and disgusting. Why?
I cry, next day, laughter and happiness. Night, cry, and it repeats like a cycle. I just want to be free.
Shouting, shouting, shouting. Does it help ? Does it make things poof up magically just like you wanted it to be? Does it make you happier at least? Does it?
It only makes you much more irritated, much more annoyed at the person whom you think is suppose to be listening to you and doing what you think is right for him or her. The person feels like he or she is a slave to you. You shout, he obey. with no dignity. I'm not meaning you don't listen to teachers, your parents, your friends, or who ever. I'm meaning people who think they are so mighty, who think they're a god or whatever, and think they can shout at you,scream their lungs at you. Making your day worse by the second. Ah, nothing seems right.
Aw, this venting on my blog doesn't make me feel any better too. everything seems okay, for now, i hope.
Lord, i pray, for protection over this family that i pray will never scream a word at each other but reasonably speak to each other fairly and mannerly.
I don't want the devil circling around me like a predator eyeing a defenceless prey. I'm not defenceless, for i have the Lord as my protector. For You are the light that brightens my way to You.
that has become a rainbow in the puddle you've created.For a little entertainment to perk me up.
Guess whooo ?
It's taylor swift's get back for Joe J. breaking up with er on the phone!
Golly!
