♥
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Paparazzi.
Oh. i'm so so so exhausted. My head feels like it's stuffed with a zillion problems and the problems are like gold bars weighing me down. I want to sleep but i can't. I want to have fun but everything is a mess. I want to fly but i have no wings of my own. I want to dream but all my dreams come out wrong and sadistic.
About sadistic dreams, once i dream about this woman and a girl. This woman daringly took the girl's hands and saw them off using some razor machine. The woman said,"You must do this, or else." And so the girl listened, reluctantly. Then, as they left, the woman held the girl's bloody hands with a wicked smile. Suddenly, someone passed by them and the woman crazily pushed the dead hands into the girl's wrist even though there was so such logic. The girl was in a heartwreck, not knowing what to do. She had to wear an oversized coak to hide her decapitated hands. And at a teardrop that fell, i woke up.
Why on earth did i dream such astrocity.
I held on to the fact that i was randomly dreaming from sadistic scenes from movies that my dad sometimes watches at night but... i couldn't stop myself from thinking if there's a possibility that that might happen. To me or to anyone in the world.
My head is still full.
Anyway, this is to Rachel :
The story is about this girl, unknown of God. She is a fantastic ballet dancer but she is too humble to accept that. So she keeps thinking that her performance was all just a dream. Then, the music starts again which shows she gets back into the beat without even thinking. People kept praising her that she gets over confident and wants to become more than she is.
She starts dieting though she was alright at the start. She skips meals and eats a few grains of rice. Even if she eats a full meal, she vomits it all out into the toilet bowl. Her loved ones are worried for her and told to stop it. "No more." They say whenever they see her pale face. But she was deaf from every word that could save her.
Soon, she was on a regular bulimic diet and she couldn't stop. She tried to eat, before she knew it, everthing flowed out. She had no more energy, everyone stopped saying good things about her and rather changed to saying, "She's too thin. No life in her." She withdrew from everyone around her, saddened that her effort to be better has failed.
She goes back after a few weeks from her mother's persuasion. Before, her dance mates are always with her. Now, they smirk and push her around. As she was very light, she could be pushed over easily. Everyone bullies her for being too confident, labelling her.
She was under so much pressure, she nearly couldn't take it and wanted to give in to suicide. Then, as she stood from her bedroom window, she saw this lady holding up a picket sign," Christ for life!" and that attracted her, like how magnets attracted. AS she got to know more and more about God, she compared Him to gold as gold is so precious and nearly priceless that everyone wants it. That was how she got saved; saved from suicide and saved from everything unperfect. Perfect is the Lord.
P.s this's the so called explanation for the story on the recent post if anyone is rather confused.
:)
♥
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Paparazzi.
Oh. i'm so so so exhausted. My head feels like it's stuffed with a zillion problems and the problems are like gold bars weighing me down. I want to sleep but i can't. I want to have fun but everything is a mess. I want to fly but i have no wings of my own. I want to dream but all my dreams come out wrong and sadistic.
About sadistic dreams, once i dream about this woman and a girl. This woman daringly took the girl's hands and saw them off using some razor machine. The woman said,"You must do this, or else." And so the girl listened, reluctantly. Then, as they left, the woman held the girl's bloody hands with a wicked smile. Suddenly, someone passed by them and the woman crazily pushed the dead hands into the girl's wrist even though there was so such logic. The girl was in a heartwreck, not knowing what to do. She had to wear an oversized coak to hide her decapitated hands. And at a teardrop that fell, i woke up.
Why on earth did i dream such astrocity.
I held on to the fact that i was randomly dreaming from sadistic scenes from movies that my dad sometimes watches at night but... i couldn't stop myself from thinking if there's a possibility that that might happen. To me or to anyone in the world.
My head is still full.
Anyway, this is to Rachel :
The story is about this girl, unknown of God. She is a fantastic ballet dancer but she is too humble to accept that. So she keeps thinking that her performance was all just a dream. Then, the music starts again which shows she gets back into the beat without even thinking. People kept praising her that she gets over confident and wants to become more than she is.
She starts dieting though she was alright at the start. She skips meals and eats a few grains of rice. Even if she eats a full meal, she vomits it all out into the toilet bowl. Her loved ones are worried for her and told to stop it. "No more." They say whenever they see her pale face. But she was deaf from every word that could save her.
Soon, she was on a regular bulimic diet and she couldn't stop. She tried to eat, before she knew it, everthing flowed out. She had no more energy, everyone stopped saying good things about her and rather changed to saying, "She's too thin. No life in her." She withdrew from everyone around her, saddened that her effort to be better has failed.
She goes back after a few weeks from her mother's persuasion. Before, her dance mates are always with her. Now, they smirk and push her around. As she was very light, she could be pushed over easily. Everyone bullies her for being too confident, labelling her.
She was under so much pressure, she nearly couldn't take it and wanted to give in to suicide. Then, as she stood from her bedroom window, she saw this lady holding up a picket sign," Christ for life!" and that attracted her, like how magnets attracted. AS she got to know more and more about God, she compared Him to gold as gold is so precious and nearly priceless that everyone wants it. That was how she got saved; saved from suicide and saved from everything unperfect. Perfect is the Lord.
P.s this's the so called explanation for the story on the recent post if anyone is rather confused.
:)
