♥
Monday, January 19, 2009
Dear diary that is openly read by the public,
I feel people are sometimes very selfish and care only for themselves. Yes, this includes those people who contribute to global warming...air pollution etc etc. But how about like personally, you see the people around acting as if that they are in their own world? Have you ever seen this type of people? How do you feel?
Well, for me, i feel absolutely irritated and really can't tolerate these type of people.
I can give an example. Rather personal and yet i feel it's a need to share.
Here it goes.
My lovely grandmother is really a woman to admire. She's selfless and generous to the people around her. Caring and kind, many values you can learn and pass around from her. She is always there when you need her. However, i've noticed something.
I know i myself don't usually respond to my mother that well that often, but how can my mum just seem so ignorant of her own mother when she's talking? I always thought that mum was just busy and didn't have the time to talk to ah mah. But it seems frequent that whenever Ah mah happily chats with my mother, she wont give her any polite eye contact and speak to he like how daughter and mother should be. Well, for me i know i'm making an effort though, sometimes i irritated and will be as stubborn as ever. I always feel so angry towards my mother and i don't understand why she does that to her mother.
I really love my grandma and if now my mum were the grandma and i the daughter. How would she feel when i just lazily peel the orange while i pluck her ears with cotton bud as she talks me. I bet she wouldn't like it either right? Gosh. What is wrong? Now, what i think, is that my mum has no respect for her own mother. Then once, when my mum and I were waiting for myndad to pick us up for dinner, my grandma asked me to eat prata. Before that, she jubilately gave me two oranges and told me to eat it as it was very sweet. She even reminded me to eat bits of the skin as to prevent heatiness. So, i thought, "Okay. Why not?" Suddenly my mum whispered, "Tell ah mah don't want." I was in a whirl. Should i listen to my mum or ah mah? At that time, i was pissed but i knew if i disobeyed, i would be like my mum so i told her vaguely that i didn't want to eat because i was going to have dinner afterwards.
Later, ah mah asked me again. This time, i felt, "Ah mah always does the cleaning, the cooking, everything in this household herself, with a little help from other people. She always walks around and i know i can see that she can't walk very well, yet she still goes from one place to place and see to the house." I always feel that i have to cheer her up. I always feel that someone needs to make ah mah's life a little more meaningful. So, i came out of my comfy seat and went up to ah mah. "Ah mah, wo yao chi!" I love making my grandmother happy. It makes me happy too.
As i happily chew the yummy egg prata, i saw her toothful smile. She even went for teeth implants which i know are extremely painful. "Hen hao chi hor!" She said. "Hao chi hao chi!" Then, she asked, "La bu la?" (Isit spicy?) "Bu la! Wo neng chi la!" (No it's not. I'm able to eat spicy stuff)
I wish, oh how i wish that the language barrier between my grandma and i will magically disappear. It's so hard to tell her things that i can't hard chinese words to explain. I can't speak her dialect so at times, it's real difficult. and i really hate it.
I wish to tell her about my school, about life.
About Jesus.I know that He will guide me, to guide my grandma so that she can be saved. I'm still scared.Then, yeah. I try to tolerate this type of coldness between my mum and ah mah but i just...just, can't.
I always love spending time with ah mah, if only i could openly speak my words to her without searching words for half a minute.
Ahmah :I really really really can't imagine how you feel right now. Happy or sad but i know it's happy because you have the attitude that i really aspire to have. You are benign in heart, but just i wish that you will turn to God and change. I wish to see you open up the bible and read me a verse in chinese. If only i can speak in your dialect, how much i can tell you about Jesus, is so much. Nothing can say how much i wish this could happen in a heart's beat. I really appreciate you for encouraging every now and then. I know when i was young, i was a rascal, naughty and disobedient. I remember once, i was scolded and locked out of the house. I was crying and crying when gong gong beat me, but then you opened the door and patted my back to stop crying. You even took out your dolls to let me admire. Thank you, for those moments that simply touched my heart. The only grandmother where i saw a heart that was really a made of gold.I want to see you in heaven, ah mah. I don't want anything bad to happen to you, that would simply break my heart. Be strong because i already know you are.I know this is a rather personal post. Please keep your really personal comments too to yourself. Thank you very much.
Today was pretty happening, from the exercise to Nicola's chaotic house moment but now i feel a tear growing out of my right eye. Maybe tomorrow.
Toodles, love.
♥
Monday, January 19, 2009
Dear diary that is openly read by the public,
I feel people are sometimes very selfish and care only for themselves. Yes, this includes those people who contribute to global warming...air pollution etc etc. But how about like personally, you see the people around acting as if that they are in their own world? Have you ever seen this type of people? How do you feel?
Well, for me, i feel absolutely irritated and really can't tolerate these type of people.
I can give an example. Rather personal and yet i feel it's a need to share.
Here it goes.
My lovely grandmother is really a woman to admire. She's selfless and generous to the people around her. Caring and kind, many values you can learn and pass around from her. She is always there when you need her. However, i've noticed something.
I know i myself don't usually respond to my mother that well that often, but how can my mum just seem so ignorant of her own mother when she's talking? I always thought that mum was just busy and didn't have the time to talk to ah mah. But it seems frequent that whenever Ah mah happily chats with my mother, she wont give her any polite eye contact and speak to he like how daughter and mother should be. Well, for me i know i'm making an effort though, sometimes i irritated and will be as stubborn as ever. I always feel so angry towards my mother and i don't understand why she does that to her mother.
I really love my grandma and if now my mum were the grandma and i the daughter. How would she feel when i just lazily peel the orange while i pluck her ears with cotton bud as she talks me. I bet she wouldn't like it either right? Gosh. What is wrong? Now, what i think, is that my mum has no respect for her own mother. Then once, when my mum and I were waiting for myndad to pick us up for dinner, my grandma asked me to eat prata. Before that, she jubilately gave me two oranges and told me to eat it as it was very sweet. She even reminded me to eat bits of the skin as to prevent heatiness. So, i thought, "Okay. Why not?" Suddenly my mum whispered, "Tell ah mah don't want." I was in a whirl. Should i listen to my mum or ah mah? At that time, i was pissed but i knew if i disobeyed, i would be like my mum so i told her vaguely that i didn't want to eat because i was going to have dinner afterwards.
Later, ah mah asked me again. This time, i felt, "Ah mah always does the cleaning, the cooking, everything in this household herself, with a little help from other people. She always walks around and i know i can see that she can't walk very well, yet she still goes from one place to place and see to the house." I always feel that i have to cheer her up. I always feel that someone needs to make ah mah's life a little more meaningful. So, i came out of my comfy seat and went up to ah mah. "Ah mah, wo yao chi!" I love making my grandmother happy. It makes me happy too.
As i happily chew the yummy egg prata, i saw her toothful smile. She even went for teeth implants which i know are extremely painful. "Hen hao chi hor!" She said. "Hao chi hao chi!" Then, she asked, "La bu la?" (Isit spicy?) "Bu la! Wo neng chi la!" (No it's not. I'm able to eat spicy stuff)
I wish, oh how i wish that the language barrier between my grandma and i will magically disappear. It's so hard to tell her things that i can't hard chinese words to explain. I can't speak her dialect so at times, it's real difficult. and i really hate it.
I wish to tell her about my school, about life.
About Jesus.I know that He will guide me, to guide my grandma so that she can be saved. I'm still scared.Then, yeah. I try to tolerate this type of coldness between my mum and ah mah but i just...just, can't.
I always love spending time with ah mah, if only i could openly speak my words to her without searching words for half a minute.
Ahmah :I really really really can't imagine how you feel right now. Happy or sad but i know it's happy because you have the attitude that i really aspire to have. You are benign in heart, but just i wish that you will turn to God and change. I wish to see you open up the bible and read me a verse in chinese. If only i can speak in your dialect, how much i can tell you about Jesus, is so much. Nothing can say how much i wish this could happen in a heart's beat. I really appreciate you for encouraging every now and then. I know when i was young, i was a rascal, naughty and disobedient. I remember once, i was scolded and locked out of the house. I was crying and crying when gong gong beat me, but then you opened the door and patted my back to stop crying. You even took out your dolls to let me admire. Thank you, for those moments that simply touched my heart. The only grandmother where i saw a heart that was really a made of gold.I want to see you in heaven, ah mah. I don't want anything bad to happen to you, that would simply break my heart. Be strong because i already know you are.I know this is a rather personal post. Please keep your really personal comments too to yourself. Thank you very much.
Today was pretty happening, from the exercise to Nicola's chaotic house moment but now i feel a tear growing out of my right eye. Maybe tomorrow.
Toodles, love.
